January 30th 2026
Digital Journal Entry
Hello world!
I’m absolutely struggling with keeping up-to-date on these journal entries but I am trying my best. Work has been fairly busy and it’s just hard to do this every night when I am usually absolutely shattered. Anyway, life updates!
I went through a massive dip recently in my mental health, and it’s hard to figure out why. I’ve just struggled an insane amount. I think I’m lonely, and I basically have no one in my life. I have lots of friends but then I think to myself that they are work friends which in my head means that it doesn’t actually count. They are people that just have to associate with me because otherwise they don’t pay their rents and stuff like that. I know when I think this way that I’m just overthinking, but it’s hard not to. I wish I could just magically not think that way.
I went to London on a random, spontaneous trip for no reason at all and only for a few hours. I had no goals or intentions. I think travelling is just in my blood, like sitting on a coach staring at the world going by is my happy place. The London trip was mainly in response to a stupid night out. They keep appearing and I hate myself afterwards. I go on a night out and spend a silly amount of money and (probably) say things I shouldn’t say. Alcohol in general just doesn’t make me happy at all, and I need to keep reminding myself of that. I wanted to just vanish for a few hours, and that’s why London happened. I think it went too far though when I was sat with work friends after getting back from London and a few people were concerned for me. I just hadn’t slept in about five days, and I sat drinking a bottle of wine (after shift). I went home shortly after but hearing a couple people care about me did something to my brain. I want to sort myself out, and not scare people like that ever again.
What am I doing about all this? Nothing in particular. I have quite a few shifts ahead of me so I am focusing on that, and then I will try to get back to writing, because I have done essentially nothing in the entire month of January. I definitely should have because of how much time I’ve had on my hands, but my mental health dips just kept getting in the way. Maybe this is a natural time to change the topic and discuss January as a whole. What a strange month. I had lots of free time, did nothing with it, and tried to save up money for Japan. I went on a lovely trip to Hebden Bridge which was probably my highlight, but besides that it was a fairly chill January. The good news is that I did survive the quietest month at a gig venue, so that’s good! Maybe as I type this, I had a fairly good month in hindsight.
Not to get into stupid nostalgia, because I despise nostalgia, but I was thinking recently about 2025. I’m super excited for what lies ahead for me, but I realised that 2025 might have been one of the best years of my life. So much amazing stuff happened! Primavera had to be the biggest highlight, but getting a promotion to Team Leader at work was amazing, and managing to go to multiple arena shows for free was pretty awesome too! Also all of the amazing people along the way. 2025 was the year I set my sights on my future too. Such a top tier year.
Writing this has made me go from neutral to pretty positive, so that’s why I like writing? Life is good. I’m excited for what’s next. Thanks for reading.